I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
