I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
