I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
