two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
