life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
