just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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