she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
