i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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