I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize