We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I AM VODKA MAN
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm experimenting with sincerity
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
