are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
