Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
