They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
