Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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