im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
