I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
