I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize