Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
