I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
