i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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