I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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