I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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