In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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