i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
