is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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