her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
