3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
