Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
