its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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