You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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