question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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