I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
