Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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