The maid of honor just puked.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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