K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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