accomplished twins. life is a go
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
