He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
look no pants
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
