the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
