I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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