So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
