You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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