nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
