I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize