shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
