so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
