I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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