Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
