Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
