i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
