If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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