She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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