I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
