I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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