proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
