it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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