you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
