We're like a lot better than the average bears
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
