Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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