A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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