I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
