He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
