My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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