so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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