the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
worst night to have a conscience
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
