While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
