Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think your dad took our porno
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize