Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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