AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
