the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
