if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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