my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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