I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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