Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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