tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize