i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
