It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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