I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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