help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
