And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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