You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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