weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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