Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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