He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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