i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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