3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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