why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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