so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
