im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
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