I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
