I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
