There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
