I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
