did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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