she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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