i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize