Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
