There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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