dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
