I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
