Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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