Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
