Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
