I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
