piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
