My room smells like vodka and shame
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
