I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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