how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
