we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
