I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
