Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
