as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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