Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
