I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
